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Guide to Earth Part II.
Education is a highly appreciated institution in society. As Edgar W. Howe puts it: “If there were no schools to take the children away from home […], the insane asylums would be filled with mothers.” Education ensures a great future, especially in Hungary where a high school teacher may earn as much as a fifth of a bricklayer. Parents with a university education take it for granted that their children will be leased to teachers for 15 or 20 years. “Study, son, study!”, say the farmers, proles and trolls. Everyone looks up on people with a diploma. School must make a person taller.
Children, before going to school, learn to walk, talk and other mundane skills by playing. They are curious about everything, they want to stick their noses into every subject. This energy is utilized by dumping them into a grim, barren building and prohibiting play. They get planted into a room and fixed onto a chair which they are not allowed to leave. It is clearer then the Sun that limiting physical movement frees up the mind, just think about prisoners who come up with extremely creative ways of escaping. Some contend that school is really a form of prison but this is obvious nonsense since children are not wearing striped clothes.
Since kids learn most easily from older kids, they are banished into classes with children of their age, except for a single adult. That adult gets a poor salary and a heap of bureaucratic tasks so they will be properly frustrated. This way children can easily learn frustration which is the underpinning of life in our society.
Life skills are not taught at school, such lowly business is to be performed in your free time. Learning to prepare food, give first aid, repair the stove or plant a vegetable should be mastered on the weekend with the help of grandparents. Schools deal with noble science found in books, or lately in computers. This is all proper as real life does not count any more, having moved inside a screen.
Education is divided into so-called subjects. In each subject data needs to be memorized and reproduced. In the age of computers this is really important, lest computers think that they are the only ones able to store data. What would happen if all eight computers would break down in your home and you couldn’t remember what day of the week the battle of Waterloo took place? Nowadays there is a subject called IT where you can get acquinted with your future masters, computers, in order to serve them properly. Singing songs used to be allowed in music class but this aberration has been corrected and now kids are tested on the biography of Mozart instead. Physical education, however, is still a practical subject where you can stand up and jump around at the whistle of a grumpy, sluggish man in sweat pants.
History is an especially interesting subject. If you compare the history books of neighbouring countries, you can see that king Mátyás of Hungary was called Matei Corvin, him being a Romanian national hero. You probably weren’t aware that the Hungarian composer Bartók Béla or II. Rákóczi Ferenc, head of Transsylvania were Slovakians. Historical maps show a similarly great deal of convergence. If you tried to put all the countries on a globe, you’d end up with quite a few planets, demonstrating the creativity of education.
Literature class is really important where they explain what the poet was thinking when he wrote a particular poem. Why on Earth did he write a poem? You wonder. Why did he not summarize his point in a comprehensible manner? This fades in comparison with the magical fact that the teacher telepathically contacts the souls of the past. There are also foreign language classes where great care is taken that the tongue will stay very foreign to the students. Teaching a language is a serious art, what with grammar excercises, word lists and conjugation tables which is exactly how you learned your mother tongue when you were two. Luckily nowadays we don’t have to study the barbarian grunts of occupying Russians. We are learning the musical speech of friendly Americans who are, just like in so many other countries, protecting us with their brave troops.
Physics is the most fundamental of sciences where you learn about entropy. Entropy means that the universe is slowing down, falling apart, getting cold and glimmering out. This inspiring perspective must be revealed to young people who duly internalize it; new generations’ movements are more sluggish and their thinking is more and more disintegrated. Biology is also an interesting subject which is studied in a very interesting room. If you were to go out into nature where there are plants and animals there would be no adventure. Beethoven was deaf yet he could still compose music.
Matematics is the queen of all subjects for which you need a well-developed ability to visualize. This skill is not taught to students because some of them already possess it. Those people will be good at math while the rest should realize that not everyone can be a director. Schools, by the way, do not teach mental strategies at all, lest to diminish the creativity of students. The goal is for students to discover how to easily remember, understand and combine information. If they can’t, there’s another life where they will have a chance to absorb mental strategies from their new parents.
Ever since Freud we have known that the unconscious mind is more powerful than the conscious mind. As people tend to remember pleasant times, education provides an utterly monotonous environment, allowing learnings to sink into the unconscious. This prepares the future generation for the assembly line and other industrial work. A further advantage of this method is that students become completely apathetic by the time they reach high school thereby blending into modern society.
Some vile slanderers assert that subjects serve as a mere distraction, that the real purpose of education is to turn children into passive, obedient sheep devoted to work and consumption. This is completely false. Work is being taken over by real robots while non-consumption is not included in the Penal Code.
Marks are critical at school. Not targets or deutsche marks, but the score that you get on your tests. Since efficient learning is based on a relaxed attitude and marks properly traumatize students, they are indispensable in selecting our real leaders, psychopaths. In old times teachers abused children, nowadays this is reversed. Since including parents is important, they also take part in terrorizing teachers.
Teachers are, at the bottom, well-intentioned people who like children. This orientation needs to be curbed as we do not want the new generation to be spoiled. According to the saying: sub pondere crescit palma. Weight makes palm trees grow. Healthy development of the spine is certainly aided by the 50 pound school bag first graders are required to carry. Teachers are kept busy with important tasks so they will not have time to spoil children. A few examples are: "Participating in board of education meetings, professional work community meetings, educational meetings; defining and enforcing school rules; organizing celebrations, events, other school-related sports and cultural events; preparing the curriculum; performing corridor security duties; participating in the review of subject arrangements; increasing professional skills through participation in organized continuing education programs; carrying out administrative activities related to pedagogical activities; managing the administration accurately and according to the time set out in the teacher's policy (diaries, control books, registers, notices, reports; maintaining and preparing half-term and end-of-year statistics, papers; improving surveys ” etc., etc. Your ideal teacher is neurotic, cantankerous, worried about money, depressed and cruel in order to properly prepare students for their future superiors.
Thus far we have been talking about public education but there is also higher education. The latter is perfomed by universities as we are in the universe. Public education is mandatory since misery forms a strong bond between people. University, however, is a privilege that you have to pay for. This way a fresh graduate starts life with a 100 000 dollar debt. Those that think this is akin to debt slavery are uneducated dolts who know nothing of the noble science of economics. Being indebted makes you appreciate the value of money and learn to save.
Some people would sink as low as to suggest that the real purpose of university is confining young talent in the existing power structure. Instead of unnecessary societal reform their attention is turned to truly essential questions like what color socks Shakespeare’s cousin was wearing. They will receive funds for this type of crucial research enabling them to repay the interest on their student loans even before retirement. In the meantime they will be a respected and important member of the community. The theory of higher education being an instrument of the status quo is indubitably a blatant lie as that purpose is almost perfectly accomplished by public education. Those few errant youngsters who, after 12 years of school, are still trying to think independently are completely irrelevant. Of course, university is always ready to demonstrate to them the wrongness of their approach. And those that don’t attend university can certainly not be taken seriously as they are evidently unable to perform higher mental tasks.
It is true that obsolete political systems of the past used universities for propaganda purposes. “Social marxism” was such a pseudoscience. Fortunately Carl Marx Economy University is now called Corvinus University teaching market economics which is not propaganda but obvious proven scientific truth.
Some people might wonder why society needs so many university graduates when there is a gaping lack of skilled workers. But an astrophysicist that repairs laundry machines evidently has more added value than a simple worker. While changing a washing machine drum she is able to discuss the Horseshoe Nebula which a plain prole is incapable of. Thus after an undergraduate degree, universities offer a wide range of further educational possibilities, a masters degree, diplôme national supérieur, Doktor der kanonischen Rechtswissenschaft, etc. This by no means serves as an expanded childhood for indecisive intellectuals. Nor is it a concealed way to reduce unemployment in the work force. It has several major public advantages. Graduates have a higher self-esteem, are more succesful in finding a mate, have to be more frugal in their lifestyles and can use Latin words when complaining about not being able to poop. Another asset is that their student card can later be directly swapped for a senior citizen’s card enabling a lifelong reduced fare on public transportation.
As education is so successful on every count, younger ages direly need to be included in this glorious endeavor. Hungary, being a leader of progress, has already made kindergarten mandatory. Soon nursery will be included in this illustrious quest, followed by the fetus placed under constant state surveillance. Next, conception will be performed in front of a committee, yet we will refrain from committing suicide, just pack our stuff and permanently migrate to the star Aldebaran.