The Press

Guide to Earth, Part XI.

The press is like cheese; it is created by a kind of pressure. But while cheese-makers squeeze the solids out of milk, journalists squeeze the meaning out of the brains of readers. Unfortunately, the press is not as tasty as cheese. Neither ravens nor foxes, notoriously intelligent animals, would steal the press. Besides, taste is a thing of the past; in our age every four-letter word is happily being put into print.

Source: Amador Loureiro, Unsplash

While both mice and men consume cheese, only the former actually physically chew the press. At least the version, now disappearing, that is printed on paper. Humans, on the other hand, are the only animals that the press can oppress. And rodents, unlike many humans, have style.

Source: Sammy-Sander, Pixabay

To the delight of those who heat their homes with a stove, tabloids still exist, though. Care must be taken to close your eyes when using the paper to light the fire, lest its contents burn out your brain cells. Most of the press has by now moved to the web. This way articles, videos and the like have fused into what is nowadays called the media. We will continue to call it the press, however, as we are very impressed by it. It is also useful to have a healthy skepticism to spiritualism.

The role of the press is to inform. Therefore it never broadcasts propaganda, only neutral, impartial information. The press is truthful, because what interest would billionaires and governments have in manipulating people? The media merely happens to belong to billionaires due to them being so philanthropic. They undertake the arduous task of informing us with their great skills of organization. Moreover, not all press is owned by multinationals. Some are sustained by government advertisements. Regarding advertising, gullible people who believe in conspiracy theories are mistaken in thinking that it is the most important part of many newspapers with written content being just a garnish. Advertising is simple information helping consumers navigate the sea of products.

Source: Mishal Ibrahim, Unsplash

There are many kinds of press, such as tabloids, daily press, pro-government press, international press, specialized press, cypress and Substack. Tabloids deliver truth, exciting news and in-depth analysis to the common people. The purpose of the serious press is to be read by a more educated public who can thereby look down on the common people. The daily press is like your daily dose of heroin. The pro-government press is similar to a teacher giving himself a report card with straight A-s. Its contents are so exciting that people with a feeble heart tend to turn to the so-called independent press. Under Berlusconi, the ratings of Italian state television have plummeted, while the president's private channels rose. This has nothing to do with the phenomenon of people turning away from railways left to rot and commuting by car instead. As to the independent press, its job is to criticize the government, independently of its actions.

There are also international news, with the noble purpose of reporting wars, injustices, dangers and disasters. What would happen if one day we missed how many people were killed by landslides in Tierra del Fuego? The specialized press uses jargon lest the uninitiated understand something. Cypress grows all the way to the sky, demonstrating the elevated nature of the press. Substack is like krtek: tongue-twisting, free-spirited and helpful. Soon it might also go underground as more and more writers emigrate here to escape censorship.

Source: Mutant669 https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=22793332

Misprints are not misfits and typos are not psychos. All that happens is that letters or aggressors are accidentally mixed up, freedom fighters are called terrorists and the Gestapo of the country in question are called decent people. In press trials courts may find that a newspaper has written untrue things. Courts being in contact with the gods do know objective reality. The paper must then pay compensation and issue an apology which is always very sincere. While the original story occupied a large part of the main page, the correction is usually published on page 147 in four-point type.

Source: Vlad Tchompalov, Unsplash

Press campaigns are very similar to war campaigns. After all, wars also must be prepared in the press. A terrorist attack on ourselves can only come after the future enemy has been well discredited. It is best practice to broadcast the attack live by the press. If the images are not outrageous enough, you can also film slaughtered civilians in your studio. The most effective version is to report on babies with their heads cut off or pulled out of incubators. Witnesses should preferably be good-looking locals who speak perfect English. It’s also OK if they turn out to be the ambassador's daughter, because by that time the war will already have been finished.

There used to be a thing called freedom of the press. Outmoded people still bemoan this fossilized concept, while progressives recognize the importance of filtering out fake news. As a strange anomaly, there still exist investigative journalists who risk their lives so that the people can know the truth. Or whistleblowers, who, if they are lucky, may defect to the enemy. Some are not so fortunate.

Julian Assange around 2006. Source: Martina Haris https://commons.wikimedia.org/w/index.php?curid=10638912. Today, after a long exile and years spent in a British prison without a verdict, Assange looks remarkably different. An international expert with the UN Human Rights Council Special Procedures calls his situation an ‘extremely alarming case of psychological torture’.

That's what happens when you don't follow the unwritten rules. In the West write about the abuses in China, while in China, write about the abuses in the West and all will be well! By the way, journalists who work for establishment media are completely free to write on the topic of their editor's choice as long as their articles agree with the paper’s slant in every respect.

Language patterns are very important in the press. ‘Landmines that tear children's legs off’ sounds somewhat unfavorable, while everyone understands how much democratic countries need ‘efficient products of the defense industry’. One can also be creative with recordings, taking statements out of context to give them a completely different meaning. The possibilities for human ingenuity are endless!

With the advent of Public Relations a new era in mass media has dawned. Until then, there was a backward notion that the press should report mainly on events that had actually happened, in however subjective and manipulative a manner. Fortunately, we can now put the past behind us and move forward into the future, painting a positive picture of a person, a company or a brand. Yes, we are living in the age of environmentally friendly oil companies, arms factories concerned about our safety and tobacco companies committed to health. And of course, PR has long gone beyond advertising: it conveys information for the public interest through articles, blogs and influencers.

There are those who claim that Aldous Huxley's Brave New World is already here. These individuals possess a poor imagination and have no notion of the rapid pace of progress in our modern society! Huxley had no idea about deepfake and virtual reality. Although we are aware of them, we often delude ourselves into believing that the content appearing on our screens has some connection to reality.

Source: Sarah Richter, Pixabay